I am carrying a lot of shoulds.
Common signs...
You may feel...
Someone is disappointed, so you have assumed you must have done something wrong.
What might be going on
Guilt is useful when it points to something you need to repair. It is less useful when it appears simply because you said no, set a limit or disappointed somebody. First work out whether harm actually happened.
Try this now
Write down what you did, who was affected and what was in your control. If you caused harm, repair it. If you simply kept a reasonable limit, leave the limit in place.
Reflection
I am carrying a lot of shoulds.
If I looked at this like an outside person, what would actually be mine to put right?
Have you repaired what genuinely needed repairing? If yes, more guilt does not automatically mean more action is required.
Something You Need To Hear
Why this card fits
Justice is useful here because it asks for evidence and a proportionate response.
Practical point
Do not sentence yourself before checking the facts. Own the part that is yours, repair what needs repairing, and stop there. Fairness includes being fair to yourself.
